It was like EVERY other morning, and we’re rushing around as if the house is on fire. “Mom, don’t forget my snack!” “Mom, tie my shoes!” “Mom, where’s my jacket?” AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s not even 7:15 a.m., and I’m about to lose my S#%T! We finally get everyone loaded in, buckled up, so now, cue the fighting. Then, Turner, my middle, screams “YOU FORGOT MY MILK THIS MORNING!” I nearly snap, but instead, crank up the music so loudly to drown out the whine. I ignore him, as I’ve mastered the art of with each additional kid. He continues to yell “YOU”RE FIRED!” My first thought: Can I draw unemployment and head to a tropical island? We roll up to the carpool line, and I feel like I can’t screech out of there fast enough. WHEW, not my problem for 7 full hours, so let the race against the clock begin. I head to the store, as I do every other day, because my ankle-biters like to raid the kitchen about 6 times a day (and hide their trash under the couch, that’s another story for another day). So, I’m at Kroger enjoying the silence and oneness. You know it’s bad when Krogering feels like a Hawaiian vacation. I’m running through my “to do” list in my head – scrub the ring around the toilet, get rid of old clothes (I think Turner might still be squeezing into 3T stuff–he’s almost 5), get Ophelia a grooming appointment–once again, she’s a story for another day. Then, mid-thought, it hit me…like my boys hit each other-GUILT.
Oh yes, you know the kind I’m speaking of that continually rears it’s ugly head-mom guilt. Erica, you really should be more patient with them. I need to interact with them more…hell, they’re learning more from YouTube than me. I need to cook more, make them laugh more, love more.
Every night, when I tuck my sweet peas to bed, I tell them: You can be anything you want to be as long as you are kind and trying your best. I care about this more than any grade, any score, any award or certificate. As long as they are giving life everything they can give, that’s more than enough for me. But, why isn’t that enough when it comes to me, personally? If I feel I’m doing the absolute best I can do, why isn’t it enough? It’s because I compare myself with other moms and feel inadequate when I don’t add up. The truth is, none of us have it all figured out. I have unique strengths and weaknesses that make my journey different than anyone’s else’s. I’m learning when I give myself a little credit, I receive a sense of okayness. At the end of the day, if I’m giving it my all, that’s sufficient. Heaven knows, the only thing my kiddos want is their mom, unapologetically.